ReDo ReDux: ReClaiming Your Muse

Hello again! It’s been awhile, hasn’t it? I hope you’ve been well; I’ve been busy, but not in ways you’d think. My summer has been a whirlwind of transition – some things in and some beyond my control – where life changing events have brought me to a screeching halt. Literally. I’ve blogged before about life transitions and downsizing – it’s something we all will experience at some point in our lives. I’ve also blogged about when life is chaotic, and work is crazy the one thing that helps me get through all the nuttiness is maintaining focus. These are all well and good, and usually spot on in providing direction and help to deal with the changes that seem to overwhelm us. But what I did flew in the face of my own reason, and I allowed myself to be caught up in all the nonsense, the change, the harsh reality of life-altering events…and I stumbled and fell. What I did was I failed to follow my own advice, heed my own words, and take charge of the undertow and current of all this change I was going through. In the end, you could simply say I didn’t practice what I preached. And I’m here today to tell you what happened, and why I allowed myself to be tripped up and how I’m getting back up, off my scraped knees, and finding my inspiration, reclaiming my muse.

Earlier this year, sometime in the Spring, my partner and I were going through a rough patch – a very rough patch – one so challenging I didn’t know where we’d end up after the dust settled. I spent weeks – months – trying to sort out what happened to us and what possible outcome was going happen should our 6-year relationship fail. Cutting to the chase, we did break up, and it was the hardest, most challenging and painful time of my life. I went into a depression and walled myself up, keeping many of my friends at arm’s length. And what I learned along the difficult and rocky path was that there are things in life that you simply can’t control, no matter how hard you try. But I also learned that what you can control is how you walk that path – whether you stroll lazily or sprint down it – getting to the end so that you can begin to move onto the next path that awaits. I know we don’t choose to let these difficult events occur – they simply do, without our permission – but we do choose our actions, and reactions, and that’s the most important lesson I learned going through this. I chose to stop writing my blog as I felt I couldn’t find the inspiration to write about things I loved or things that inspired me. I chose to put ReDo on the back burner as I struggled to deal with my breakup and move and manage all the changes I was going through. And I chose to let myself get caught up in the pain and depression for too long, neglecting the things in my life that should’ve had more importance than what little attention I gave them. Regardless, in the end, I was able to position myself in a better mental and emotional space. I went through the steps of loss, and I am now finding my path once more – a path of my choosing – and I intend to enjoy the journey, wherever it takes me.

I share this with you not to unload my emotional situation on an unsuspecting audience, but to let you know that we have all had moments in our lives where the burden of change was too great, too hard to manage. Where we consciously choose to put important aspects of our lives on hold as we learn to deal with the new status quo and the uncertainty of transition. I share this to say that I’ve been there, I’ve done that, and I’m learning how to manage my own future by steering my destiny on a path that I choose. This is my curriculum vitae, my life’s work, and no one is going to write it for me. My actions and destiny belong to me. So now that you know where I’ve been, let me share with you some of the more design and organizational things I’ve been doing of late, all personal projects for myself. These are the things that helped me find my inspiration, my sense of self and purpose in my work; they helped me reclaim my muse.

After the break-up I realized I could no longer live at my partner’s house, so I found a loft in downtown St. Louis and began to transform it into a space I could call my own. ALL my own. I was moving out of an 1897, 3-storey, full basement house into a recently modernized 1100 square foot open floor plan loft environment. I was definitely moving more into my choice of design element! The space I found was tall and airy with a southern exposure, with polished dark gray concrete floors and many modern conveniences one would expect to be included in a renovated space. The very first thing I did when I took possession of the loft was to find a color scheme that suited my needs, my new “being single” attitude, so I chose gray flannel, yellow sunshine and dark chocolate brown, all accented with stark bright white. My first artistic and creative expression in the new space was to paint a focal wall in the dining area, one of the larger wall spaces. I wanted to create something that gave the room presence and energy, and made the viewer think about design contemplatively. With just an idea in mind, and nothing but a vision in my head, I created a series of 3 intersecting yellow lines on a large gray wall; the lines were at slightly ‘off’ angles and not squared to the others so that the squared wall they were on had some not-so-squared chaos smack dab in the middle – sort of a reflection of how I felt inside. I then hung two floating shelves – again, slightly off the parallel from each other – and put my bar ware on it to give a little tension and bling to the dining room. The end result really was a fantastic image of things coming tougher and moving apart, floating in space yet grounded in their immediate environment, and tension created by the precarious placements and the flashy glints of glass. Truly strange and wonderful!

Next, I took my bathroom space – a separate bathing area all in white subway tiles, with segregated tub and shower area – and painted another accent wall in between the two bathing spaces. This time I used the dark chocolate brown from floor to ceiling, and hung another floating shelf on it to hold general bathroom tchotchke. I used white towels to keep the look minimal, and hung some coral-like pieces on the wall that were pegged together at certain points, all light and airy and mounted using straight pins. The end effect was a spa-like feeling, done with minimal aspects of scale and design while allowing the large space to have a presence all its own, unique to the loft. A few small items here and there to accent the room and I was happy with the result, ready to move onto the next!

The creative inspiration has stayed with me – and continues to inspire me as I reclaim my muse. The other rooms (bedroom, living room, bathroom and laundry) will be shared in my next blog – I have to keep your interest somehow, right? I’m sure if you like what I’ve done so far, you’ll love the other rooms when I share them with you. Suffice to say, it’s taken me several months to get out of the rut I was in, to find my way back to my path – a path of my choosing – and to continue my new journey, wherever it takes me. This is the first blog I’ve written in nearly 3 months – THREE MONTHS! I used to write my blog twice a week, but with all the emotional hardships and challenging transitions in my life, I let my muse escape me. I gave over to the very thing I tried to encourage you not to. I learned from this experience, and today, I reclaim my muse, my inspiration, and I begin my own personal ReDo.